The below photo was taken on the Groves farm near Fountain City, WI. The Matsons visited a family member on their birthday so our mother was celebrating her July 23rd birthday in this photo. I will attempt to list names of folks in the photo in a caption under the picture. I do not know the name of the man furthest to the left. Since I do not see Ludvick Matson in this photo, he is probably the photographer.
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| Across the back l-r: Wm F (Bill) Groves, Lyle, Morris (Munz) Johnson, Allen ?, David ?, Norman, James, Amanda. Midsection l-r: Edna, Marie, Jenny, Linda, Erma or Doris ?, Janice, Kathy, Marian, Marilyn, Ella. Front section l-r: Marlene, Barb, Lois ?, Margelyn, Norman Jr. & Ellen ?, Duane, Jane, Susan ?. |
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| Not sure what people are looking at nor where this is. |
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| 6 kids and spouses with Marie in 2013 Seated: Marilyn Myhre, Marie, Elaine Standing Across back: Mr. Myhre, Marlene & George; Lois & Bruce, Roger, Susan, Duane & Alice |
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| Margelyn and Marie surrounded by Marie's 6 children. Photo taken from a Facebook post. April 2013. Front row: Duane, Susan, Marlene, Margelyn, Marilyn, Lois, Roger |
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Hi all, I felt a little hesitant to attend the Memorial service for Roger last evening. I don't know why exactly, I guess I thought it would have been easier to have gone with someone. Well anyway, I'm really glad I did. There weren't too many there, & probably about 12 men attending were there from his Masonic fraternity. Lois Losby Matson was conversing with Ellen Matson Kruser, near the entrance to the room when I arrived & both greeted me immediately. I sat with Ellen & her husband, Steve. They said Jane Johnson said she would come, but she didn't. Four of the Matson kids, with their spouses, were there, however Marilyn wasn't. She lives in Tennessee & they said she was unable to come, as she's not doing too well & they think she had a stroke this past January. They didn't sound like they knew too much about it. Roger, apparently, hadn't been doing very well physically for some time, so his death wasn't too surprising. He died of congestive heart failure. His wife said he'd lost about 100 lbs & no longer needed to take any medication for diabetes, but Lois told me she didn't feel he took very good care of himself & "just sat around". ?? Elaine, his wife, lives in Sparta. One of their daughters has been living with them & will continue to. I had never been to a Masonic Service before. I thought it was a bit different.....I don't know...parts of it were sort of mystical, is how I'd describe it. That service was followed by a minister conducting a more typical funeral service. He said he didn't know Roger personally. I would think it would be difficult to conduct a service without having known the individual. He delivered a very scriptural message, several prayers & opened a time for personal sharing. A few people did share & Jim, I decided to share your fond remembrance of Roger & his baseball team welcoming you into their baseball game so many years ago. I'm sure you would have done a far better job than I, including all the details of that occasion! In talking later with the family, Lois thinks perhaps Elaine & Roger had started attending the Sparta Assembly of God church, where this minister was from. Susan Matson & her husband said they had attended that church for awhile & really liked it. They haven't lived in Sparta for quite some time. This has been a very difficult month for the Matsons. Just 2 wks ago they had all gathered at that same funeral home to attend the Memorial service for Marlene Matson Martin's (& husband, George) 21 year old grandson. He was instantly killed in a motor vehicle accident. Then several days after that, both Marlene & George were in the hospital d/t influenza A. They were both there, but wearing masks. Well yesterday we were down to hardly any snow left, but we woke up to a Winter Wonderland again. (Nothing like the Sierras!) Perhaps the month will end with spring like weather! Love, Marge
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From Kathleen Groves Gettrust
Thanks, Marge, for going and providing this valuable information. Mom always thought her side of the family got short changed. The fact that I made no effort to come to the funeral is an example of that. The Matson and Johnson cousins probably have needed more of our support, love and attention over the years than the Burchfield clan ever has and yet I have spent more time with them. My problem is that I struggle with the issue of obesity. That, I got from mom and being in health care. I am not as inclined to embrace and look beyond the struggles of "chub chubs" as I should be. Thanks again for representing us, Marge. Love to all, Kak*******************************From Barbara Groves DrewPlease convey our condolences to Marion and others Marge. Thanks for taking time to go...I know that would mean a lot to Mom. BarbMarge, Thanks for attending. I don't suppose anyone was taking photos? I don't think I would recognize anyone but Marion. Love, Barb*************************
More from Margelyn Groves Berndt:
Barb, what Marian are you referring to? Lyle & Marie's kids are Roger, Marilyn, Duane, (or Butch) Marlene, Susan & Lois. Uncle Norman & Aunt Erma had a daughter named Marian. She was not at the service, as she is in San Diego right now. She lives in the Janesville, WI area & is very faithful about attending Matson gatherings. I'm sure she would have been there had she not been gone. Kak, I know it seems our family has felt closer to our 1st cousins on dad's side. Despite the fact that the Matson cousins were much closer geographically, there didn't seem to be the mutual admiration as there was between the Grove's cousins. Perhaps that's why I felt somewhat hesitant in going alone last night. Once I was there, I knew I'd made the right decision & felt their heartfelt appreciation.*****************************From James S Groves:
Dear Sibs,
1. Thanks Marge for your detailed updates about Roger Matson's death and funeral services. I really wish I could have been with you, both to give you support and also for the value of reaching out to the Matson side in itself. Marge, I know you are different than the other 4 of us in terms of your comfort level in engaging other people who you may not know very well. This gives me all the more reason to praise you and thank you for what you do back in Wisconsin in representing the 5 of us when these situations come up. You really are good at it though you may not feel like it. You have such a sweet, gentle spirit, not threatening to anyone, and you are a person it would be hard not to like and respect.
2. Yes, I think we all acquired a preference to associate with the Groves clan over the Matson clan. Of course it didn't start with us kids, it started with Mom and Dad, mostly Mom. That sounds contradictory that Mom would prefer the Groves' side. Actually, maybe she didn't really prefer them but it ended up that way for several reasons. By the way, I think this is a true example of family prejudice. I won't call any of the rest of you prejudiced against the Matsons but I will admit it for myself.
3. Mom came into her relationship with Dad and I am sure she felt like she "married up", ie. she felt like she married from a lower class to a higher class. There were reasons for her to think like that. First, she had acquired a deep inferiority complex in her upbringing and that caused her to be insecure. Second, she looked up to the Groves' bunch because they were more educated and seemed more distinguished. Being insecure, she was sort of intimidated by this, and remember too, she was 6 years younger than Dad. Sort of like the, "you're just 16 going on 17..., I'll take care of you". And also, the Groves' bunch are generally assertive, confident and articulate; the Matsons, not so much.
4. There are other reasons also for this preference for the Groves to develop. Both Mom and Dad felt the Groves' side was a lot more spiritually evangelical/true to biblical teaching, and this was a very big factor for them. Unfortunately, the Matson side had some strong negatives; alcoholism was very real as well as some other factors. The problems with alcohol really weighed on Mom, it was embarrassing and could be dangerous in some situations. Her older brother, Albin (sp) nickname: Sandy, had a long history of alcoholism. Aunt Doris' husband, Maurice (sp) Johnson, nickname: Muntz, also had a severe alcohol problem. When Sandy would go AWOL from the army, he would come back to Viroqua and go on a drinking binge with Muntz. We happened to be visiting Aunt Doris at their farm near Bad Axe, WI, one time when I was about 7 or 8 when Sandy and Muntz were on one of their binges. We were eating dinner (noon meal) in the farm house when those 2 guys came barging in, totally drunk. They would always be carrying on very loud, profane and vulgar. I was scared out of my mind and told Mom I wanted to go home right now. You can just imagine how difficult a scene that must have been for Doris, Mom and Dad. You girls were there too, but very young of course. Mom's other brothers sometimes also abused alcohol and could be very rough, rowdy and engage in undesirable behavior.
5. Kak, I want to thank you for your candor about obesity that you shared and I respect you for being so willing to share your thoughts and feelings openly. I admit I have the same prejudice against obesity which I acquired growing up at home. I have to inwardly fight it and these days the problem is all around us.
6. Finally, I want to make something very clear. I am not blaming anybody for anything. I am an adult who knows the difference between right and wrong, good and bad and I am solely responsible for my own thoughts and behavior. I will say this though, as I look back on the trajectory of our family's development and my own growth and insight, Dad probably could have done more to help bridge the divide for Mom and our family between the Groves's and the Matson's. I don't think Dad worked very hard at trying to embrace her family, but I am definitely not casting stones at him because I very well may not have behaved any differently in the same circumstances. It is sad to think that Mom had to carry this burden of tension between loyalty to one side versus the other with no easy answers as to how to make it better. It was what it was. However, conduct like Marge's to go to Roger's funeral, to attend the Tande/Matson picnics, to meet Jane Johnson at Borgen's Cafe for lunch and pie, etc, etc, are concrete, Christ-motivated efforts to help correct the deficiencies of the past. I know Kak, Linda and perhaps other family members (like Brooks and Katrina) have also been part of some of these wonderful outreach activities to embrace Mom's larger family. These efforts are huge and we should see them for what they are. They are Godly love in action. Thanks to all of you for overcoming former prejudice with everything good about being a Christian in a real, fallen world.
I love you all very much and am proud to be named among you,
Jim
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From Linda Groves Worden:
Thanks for all the input. I concur with the things Jim has shared.. I do remember the time Mom took all of us with her to visit Doris. In my memory I think perhaps Doris called Mom to talk to her about Sandy and Muntz. I don't recall that Dad was with us. I think perhaps snow was melting and their driveway was being washed out. I'm quite sure we had to leave our car on one side of the driveway which was being washed out by running water. coming down the hillsides. I'm quite sure at least we girls had to sleep on the floor, It was very scary. I think Mom was called upon by her siblings to confront her brother and brother-in-law. She was willing to confront problems in the family and I think was respected for her willingness to tackle challenges.
There are some things I want to mention that I think will help explain why we and Mom were closer to the Groves Family. I alluded to this in the comments I made at Aunt Ming's funeral. Mom wanted to continue her education after she completed 8th grade, She was child #5 in the family. Her Dad had allowed her older brothers to go to HS but they had no interest and failed their classes. With that, Ludvick decided none of his children would go to HS. And he felt girls did not need more education after 8th grade anyway. And I doubt there was transportation to the school in town so Mom was left out of that dream for her future. With Mom's spunk and desire, she probably blamed her step-mother for this decision. This may have led to the problems between herself and her step-mother and resulted in her being sent away to live with Uncle Alfred and Aunt Mable Tryggestad when she was 15. But that painful decision would open the door for her to enroll in high school - freshman year in Viroqua because the Tryggestads had their sons enrolled in HS - one in the school for the deaf. Then came a move to LaCrosse sophomore year to assist a cousin of her Dad's with their school age children and household duties. She transferred to La Crosse Central for her sophomore year. Somehow she learned about the Nurse's Dorm and transferred there for her last 2 years of high school. There her roommate was Bernice Skugrud Walters who took her to an Evan. Free Church where she heard and accepted the plan of salvation. And one day, Mom and Berniece attended a service at a Lutheran Church in Westby where a singing family sang and Mom was smitten with the shy, handsome man who played the accordion. His quiet smile drew her to him. They began writing letters to each other and 18 months later began their 65 year marriage.
How welcome was Mom in her own home? She had been sent away and certainly wasn't very welcome with her step-mother and siblings. Having Dad and his family welcome her into their lives and home must have been very exciting and healing for Mom. Their world was safer and broader than her Matson family had been plus the strong spiritual element which would have been the avenue for Mom to begin to grow strong in her faith commitment. Mom must have been a sponge as she learned to be a wife and mother.
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| Ludvick Matson & his 7 children - rear Albon, Lyle, Norman Front - Robert, Doris, Anna Mae, Edna (I wonder if this was taken the day Ludvick married Ella Lind) |
Mom also nurtured her relationship with her siblings and prayed much for all of them. She desired that they become Christians and she was confident that by the time of their deaths, they all had committed their lives to the Lord.
I recall a few times growing up that Mom mentioned a letter she had gotten from Anna May in which Anna May had expressed some harsh thoughts and words toward Mom. I don't know if any of my sibs remember that or not. After Dad died, I stayed with Mom for three weeks. We went through some things at that time and came across the letters they had written to each other before they got married. I asked Mom if she'd like me to read those to her. She said she would like that. Mom was spending most of her time sitting in Dad's recliner and I think that was because she could feel warm and experience his scent in that chair.
I went through the letters before I began to read them in order to put them in chronological order. With those "love letters", I found the letter Mom had received from Anna May. Mom wasn't sure she wanted me to read that letter but I did. After I read it out loud, I asked what she wanted me to do with it. She told me to throw it away. She didn't want it around any longer. I did throw it away. It was a letter that had been written by a young teenager who expressed being upset because she was feeling that Mom was abandoning her Matson family for another family and she felt Mom was thinking that the Groves family was superior to the Matsons. I feel certain that Mom forgave Anna May and they grew to be good friends as adults. It's possible/probable that Mom did have some feelings that she "married up" and her family of origin probably felt that from her.
Another aspect of our greater closeness to the Groves family was the fact that Grandpa Bill and Grandma Amanda moved to Fountain City while we were still in school and living at home. We saw them often and our Aunts, Uncles and cousins came to visit them and us as well. We did not have that option with the Matson side.
I have rambled on here for quite some time. It's difficult to stop the memories and thoughts from flowing out as there is recall of former things that were part of our shared family and growing up years.
Thanks, Marge, for going to Roger's funeral and starting this time of sharing. I, too, am proud to be a sister to 4 terrific sibs. Love you all.
Linda Louise Groves Worden
